


Afraid of Losing You

by katfoxmandu



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-18 11:22:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9382346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katfoxmandu/pseuds/katfoxmandu
Summary: When Kara leaves to help Barry, she returns home to find that time hasn't passed at the same rate on the two earths. Only three days on Barry's earth equal three weeks on Kara's.The repercussions of her long absence.And the people she finds comfort inOr those that need comforting





	1. Chapter 1

Kara lands ungracefully in the middle of her living room, the impact causing her knees to buckle and everything she was holding in her arms to scatter across the floor. At the same moment, a scream comes from the kitchen followed by a large crash. Kara leaps up as the portal closes in on itself, leaving the apartment in the dim light of the fading sun. 

“Kara?!”

Before she knows it, Kara is engulfed in Alex’s arms, struggling to balance herself from the force of her sister’s embrace.

“Wow...ok…And they say I have super powers…” Kara mumbles out through the fabric of Alex’s shirt. 

The hug quickly ends, however, with a rather harsh shove from Alex. 

“What were you thinking, Kara? THREE WEEKS.”

Eyes finally adjusted to the light and dizziness fading from travelling between earths, Kara can finally make out her sister’s face. Kara has seen Alex in distress before, with losing Jeremiah being the most severe, but this is nothing like the others. Her eyes are tired and red, clear signs of constant crying. The bags underneath give away the lack of sleep and the disheveled hair and clothing indicate a lack of concern for personal hygiene. Something must have happened. Something’s gone wrong. Terribly wrong.

“What? Three...weeks? Alex, I don’t…”

Kara is quickly cut off as Alex steps forward, sharply jabbing Kara’s shoulders after each word, “Three.” Jab. “Fucking.” Jab. “Weeks.” By the third shove, Alex seems to have lost all energy and she breaks down in tears. Kara catches her as she crumbles, sobbing into Kara’s chest. 

Kara doesn’t know what to say. On Barry’s earth, only three days had passed. Flown, really. It had all gone by so quickly. The adrenaline rush of fighting an alien threat alongside fellow super heroes had caused her to forget about everything else. Kara thinks back to when she had left, to where she could have made a mistake.

Barry in her apartment with Cisco.  
The portal.  
She’d grabbed her Supergirl suit and gone with them.  
Simple as that. 

Kara’s heart suddenly drops as she realizes the glaring error: she’d told no one. No note. No message. Just an empty apartment, her groceries left in the bags on the counter, her phone abandoned next to them.  
As Kara comes to this realization, Alex pulls herself away from her sister and walks towards the living room. Kara follows quickly, eager to explain the situation. 

“Alex, I was with Barry! I owed him a favor! Remember the portal during Thanksgiving?! There was this alien threat, and his earth is FILLED with superheroes, oh Alex, you wouldn’t believe it! There’s this guy, Oliver, he shoots people! With arrows, of course. And then Wally is just as fast as Barry! And Caitlin can freeze things but she doesn’t use her powers, which I find understandable, because from personal experience freeze breath isn’t as useful as you’d think…”

Picking up her jacket and keys from the couch, Alex turns to face Kara and cuts her off, voice soft, “We thought you were dead, Kara.”

Kara stops. Her hands, which had been animatedly accompanying the telling of her story, pause in mid-air. 

“You vanished. Do you realize? You were gone. Do you know what it would take to constrain you? Do you understand how hard it is to have the technology to physically keep you from escaping??” Alex’s voice rises, “Do you realize that there are only a handful of people in the world who are capable of doing that and all of them are accounted for or locked in a prison cell?!” The last word rings throughout the silent apartment, the echoes reflecting the hysteria in Alex’s voice. 

“You have to think, Kara! You have to realize that there are people here who love you and care about you. You cannot just disappear on a whim because the fastest man alive shows up out of the blue one day begging you to go on an adventure with him! You. Cannot. Do. That.” Alex pauses, her breathing labored and fast. 

Kara swallows.

“I lost you, Kara! And I can’t lose you! I can’t! I can’t…” Alex drops her gaze to the floor and takes in a large breath. 

Kara moves towards her sister, wanting nothing more than to comfort her, “I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

“There it is,” Alex interrupts, her hand rising to stop Kara, who halts her advance. “You didn’t know. You didn’t know that going to an alternate universe would affect the rest of us. Well, guess what, Kara, it did. You once again made an irrational decision that has impacted the lives of every single person you know.”

“That’s not fair…”

“Not fair?!” Alex’s voice rises again.

“Not fair is staying up for a week straight searching data bases and creating algorithms to hack every defense and intelligence system we can think of to find you. Not fair is having to call all of your friends and co-workers to explain an absence for an as-of-yet undetermined amount of time. Not fair is having to convince everyone to keep going when we’ve exhausted all of our resources in trying to find you. Not fair is coming to this apartment and finding everything as you left it, calling your phone to find it ringing on the counter, your Supergirl suit missing, even your goddamn keys on the counter!” Alex is in a rage, her tears returning and flowing freely.

Kara is stunned, tears of her own rimming her eyes.

“How many times do I have to say it, Kara?! We thought you were dead! I thought I had lost you forever and it almost killed me!” 

The silence that follows is thick and heavy. Alex’s words repeat themselves in Kara’s mind and her heart sinks lower and lower as the gravity of the situation sinks in.

“I need to go,” Alex finally puts on her jacket and walks towards the door, shaking her head.

The paralysis that had held Kara releases itself and she stumbles forward, “Wait! Where are you going?”

“I have a search and rescue team that needs to be called off,” Alex turns the doorknob, looking back at Kara. She sees her sister, completely frazzled by the situation she’s found herself in, distraught and confused, and in desperate need of comfort. 

Alex sighs, closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip, “Kara. I love you. But right now…I can’t…I can’t be here…I can’t…” Alex waves her hand as though it will be enough to finish the sentence. 

“Please don’t go, Alex,” the plea comes out quivering. 

Alex again shakes her head, her voice stern, “You have some calls to make. There are a lot of people who would love to hear your voice.”  
And with that she's gone, closing the door quietly behind her, and leaving Kara standing alone in the empty apartment, her knees buckling for the second time that day.


	2. Chapter 2

Lena hangs up the phone. 

The conversation had been short.  
Kara’s been found. Thanks for your help. 

That was the general gist of the message. Alex had sounded relieved, of course, but her voice had been strained and tight. As though she were holding something back. She’d concluded by saying they’d all probably be receiving personal calls from Kara later. Don’t be too hard on her. 

Classic older sister move, Lena thinks. Not that she would know. Her family relationships are nothing compared to the bond that binds the Danvers sisters.

Alex Danvers. Always protecting Kara. 

The past three weeks had been hell, in a near literal sense. Lena hadn’t been involved at first. She was, after all, still recovering from her own family crisis. The calls from Agent Danvers, however, soon started to trickle in. Not to thank her for the ruthless betrayal of her mother, no. But instead to query about Kara. 

“No? You haven’t heard from her? Ok then.”

The first few calls were basic enough and Lena thought nothing of them. Odd, yes, that Kara Danvers had mysteriously vanished, but what was a few days’ vacation? Didn’t everyone just up and leave at some point in their lives? The girl was too happy for her own good; there had to be some sort of secret lying behind those puppy dog eyes and brilliant smile. A disappearing act should almost be expected.

She realized the seriousness of the matter when, one week into Kara’s disappearance, Alex showed up at her office. She strode quickly towards Lena’s desk, not bothering to sit despite Lena’s gesture to do so. 

“Miss Danvers, I’ve told you many times, I am not in contact with your sister. Have you spoken with the police? This seems like a much larger problem than…”

Alex cuts her short, “I have my resources. The police aren’t needed.” She waves away the idea. “I’m actually here to get your help. Can I trust you?”

Lena raises an eyebrow. Can I trust you. The phrase hangs between them and Lena wants to scream. After all she had done for National City, all of the help she had given, the family ties, though thin to begin with, she had severed? All for what? To still be categorized as a Luthor? As a criminal? 

Instead of unleashing her fury, Lena maintains her calm demeanor, “Well that depends, Agent Danvers. Have I not earned it thus far?”

Lena watches Alex tilt her head slightly, the question catching her by surprise. It was obvious she had been expecting a fully compliant Lena Luthor. Which is unusual for Alex. Alex Danvers, the skeptical undercover intelligence worker. Sending her little sister to pry into Lena’s family life. Constantly doubting Lena’s faithfulness. Now, standing here in front of her, looking completely unkempt, barely able to stand still, eyes pleading for assistance.

The question of “can I trust you” wasn’t a literal one, Lena realizes. It was merely a formality. Something regular-Alex would say. And the person in her office was not regular-Alex by any means. 

Before she can respond, Lena answers, “You know what? Whatever you need. You can trust me.”

++++

The DEO was in chaos when Lena and Alex walked in, a state of being that became normal for everyone involved in the search for Kara over the following two weeks.  
Alex rushes her through security and quickly shoves away the confidentiality forms.

“For later,” Alex threw back over her shoulder at the trailing Lena. “There’s not enough time and Kara has always trusted you.”

What? Lena struggles to keep pace with the agent in front of her as she takes in her surroundings. The building they had entered had seemed normal enough on the outside. Once inside and through a few high security doors, however, that had completely changed. Personnel in matching uniforms were everywhere, forms being passed from hand to hand, computer screens alight with coding and data bases, a wall covered in maps and mugshots of high profile criminals. Lena notices her own face towards the bottom, set aside from the rest. In the middle of the board sat Supergirl’s. Supergirl? Why would?  
Lena pauses in front of the board and Alex doesn’t take notice that her new charge has fallen behind. 

Kara. 

Kara is Supergirl. It makes perfect sense. The two faces merge together in Lena’s mind and together make a complete picture. The awkward, dorky reporter and the stoic, strong superhero. Together creating an alien refugee living a dual life on a foreign planet with an adopted family and only the memories of a home and culture long-since gone.

Lena steps back and watches the mayhem going on around her. The faces begin to blur and the sounds fade as she processes the information.

The lack of Supergirl’s victories in the news for the past week. Not unusual, but certainly recognizable. The way Kara had asked about her mother and not hours later Supergirl had accused Lillian of unspeakable crimes. Roulette’s fight club, Kara having a ‘friend’ involved. The fact that Kara touted her friendship with the girl of steel. Her immovable stance on Alien rights. She’d flown in on a bus…  
How had she not noticed before? It was completely obvious. 

Alex reappears next to Lena, arms folded as she takes in Lena’s look of realization, “I see you’ve figured it out on your own, then. Perfect. Saves me time. We’ve got work to do.”

++++

Lena leans back in her chair, carefully watching the phone on her desk. It had been a few hours since Alex had relayed her message and still the promised phone call from Kara still hadn’t come. Was she expecting it to? Did Kara owe her that much? Lena leans forward, resting her elbows on the desk, her head supported by the tips of her fingers. 

Of course she did. 

Lena had put more effort into the search than anyone, apart from Alex. She had provided open access to all of L-Corp’s technology, spent long nights going over with Winn different diagrams and possible surveillance techniques, sending and receiving deep space signals in case Kara was off-planet, anything they could think of to track her down. 

And none of it had worked. 

They had found only silence from all corners. No major spy organizations had fessed up to the kidnapping. CADMUS was out of the question, government agencies didn’t dream of messing with a DEO operative, and rogue alien gangs who had gotten wind of the Kryptonian’s reputation would never go near her. Even Maxwell Lord had provided assistance to the search party.  
In the bustle of it all, Lena had watched Alex slowly fall apart. Each day it was something new. First the shoes. She’d stopped tying them. Then it was the hair. Headbands and ponytails took the place of the usually styled bob. She’d gone from a passionate ring-leader to a muted robot, diligently pounding away at the computers, making calls, trying and re-trying all of their options. 

But they had quickly they ran out of ideas. 

Lena stands, her fingers itching to pick up her phone. Wanting to call Kara. It had become something of a routine for the past two weeks. At first it was to just make sure, make sure she really was gone, a way to help the reality sink in. Maybe Alex was lying about Kara leaving her phone behind. Maybe she had two cell phones! The call would ring. And ring. And ring. Each time ending with Kara’s voicemail:

“You’ve reached Kara Danvers! I’m not here, well, I’m not answering, or able to answer, but if I could I would! It’s not you, it’s probably me, I can get, well, busy, and, uh, leave a message!”

Lena had it memorized. The babbling, each pause, the tone. At first she hadn’t headed the request. The “Leave a message!” would follow with Lena quickly hanging up the phone. But with each call, Lena gained confidence and soon she was leaving a message each time. 

She would start with how the search was going, how Alex was coping, then move into the weather, which company had catered lunch, how many times Winn swore during his hacking. Slowly, the messages became more and more personal. Small stories about Lena’s life, how she was doing, her annoyances with other agents, that one time when she was 12, the other when Lillian took her there or Julian said this. It was only once that Lena had confessed to the machine what they were all thinking. The worst-case scenario. The reality that no one wanted to face.The words had come out broken, followed by a few quick sobs and an apology.  


It had become a part of her day-to-day routine: talking to Kara. 

And now Kara was back. She could actually talk to Kara. And Kara would respond. 

But here she sat. 

Staring at the phone and the phone staring back as she willed it to ring.

But all she heard was silence.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hi Kara. It’s Lena. I know you’re…not there, but. We’re all working hard to find you. Ok. Bye.”

“Hey Kara. It’s Lena. So I’ve been introduced to the DEO, did I tell you that? It puts L-Corp’s labs to shame. I’m thinking of hiring your friend Winn to come work for me. He’s definitely qualified.”

“Kara. Second time in one day. It’s me. On a lunch break. These are rare. Alex didn’t leave the DEO last night, I’m getting worried about her.”

“So…do you always have your Supergirl suit on underneath your clothes?”

“I logged about 14 hours of extraterrestrial sound waves yesterday. No word from any potential sources. Your cousin? Superman. Well, he’s here helping on that front. I’ve got to say, charm runs in the family, Danvers.”

“And that’s when Lex and I decided to make a treaty and if any of the other kids in the neighborhood broke it then we would blackmail them into completing all of our chores. I think my father was actually quite proud of us for that one. Terrible parenting, my God.”

“Kara. Hey. It uh…It rained this morning. It’s supposed to all week. How’s flying in the rain? Ummm I hope you’re ok. Alex isn’t. She’s…she’s doing really bad, Kara. She needs you. We all do.”

“James brought in pot stickers from that place you like on 44th and Wallace. If I had to choose I’d go with the hole-in-the-wall next to the library on Cypress. The vegetable to meat ratio is more even and the sauce, Kara, the sauce! You have to try it. When you get back…”

“So Lillian finally had enough and sent me off to the most expensive boarding school the northeast could offer. She didn’t realize it was probably the best thing she’s ever done for me. And what better environment to practice my manipulation than with spoon-fed trust fund brats in short plaid skirts?”

“I think that’s 34. Wait. Yes. 35. If it weren’t so tense around here I’d get him a swear jar.”

“Morning, Kara. I say morning but I’ve been here all night. Just Alex and I. I used to think she hated me. I’m actually still not sure. Shit. She heard me.”

“There’s these two agents that are constantly sneaking off to the copy room. I know exactly what they’re doing, Kara, and it’s sure as hell not looking for you. Wiley. That’s his name. One of them at least. I tried explaining quantum physics to him in order to get some assistance on the sound wave responder but he just stared back clueless. It’s not like it was rocket science, Kara! Physics is so much easier.”

“I never go home for holidays. But I love Christmas.”

“Hey Kara. Checking in. Like always. It’s Lena. Like always. We…we’re not making much progress. I’m just…I’m really tired. Really tired…Ok. Winn just got himself into the Department of Defense Intel sector. I’ve got to go.”

“It’s been a few weeks now, Kara. Alex can’t hold on much longer. J’onn was talking to her in private today. It didn’t go well because she left the main room crying. We’ve tried everything, I can’t think of any more possibilities. Kara. I don’t get it. I don’t. I don’t understand. You can’t just disappear. It doesn’t make sense.”

“We’re reducing numbers. Budgeting concerns, J’onn says. The DEO just doesn’t have the resources anymore to operate at maximum capacity for 24 hours any more. Kara, I just spoke with Alex. She. Uh. She says we need to start considering. She says we need to start considering the worst case scenario.”

“Hi, Kara. I’m back in my office. Alex had everyone go home except a skeleton crew. I think. I think it’s. God, Kara, I can’t say it. I can’t. She’s calling it off. The crew. All of it. I think it’s over. I mean, she’ll never stop looking, but Kara, it’s over. You’re gone. That’s the reality. You’re not here and um. That’s it. This is it.”

++++

Lena’s voice fades out with the final message and Kara is left in the quiet darkness of her bedroom. 

She stares up at the ceiling, littered with glow-in-the-dark stars echoing the constellations of Krypton’s night skies.  
54\. That’s how many messages Lena Luthor had left on Kara’s phone. 

Others had called her, sure. The first two days of her absence had been filled with missed calls from Alex, a handful from James and Winn, and even a couple from Cat Grant. Their messages, of the few that had been left, had been brief and lacked any real concern for why she wasn’t answering. Lena’s messages, however, didn’t start coming in until one week into her disappearance.  
Kara sits up from her bed and runs her hands through her hair. 

Her mind is racing, her heart breaking. Alex can’t be in the same room as her. Lena…Lena. What can she say about Lena? Lena, who is so good and so kind. Lena who left 54 messages in a desperate hope that Kara would perhaps answer. Lena ,who saved the city and defied her mother. Lena , who looks at Kara like she is the Sun. 

The next thing she knows, Kara is out the window, flying high above National City. The cool air whips back her hair, her pajamas fluttering in the wind as she circles the skyline. Her anger mounts as she flies, faster and faster.

Break the sound barrier. 

Faster.

Break it again.

Faster. 

Anything to stop her thoughts.  
Anything to fix this.  
This.

This isn’t the welcome she had expected upon returning from helping Barry and the others. As Kara thinks deeper, her surroundings blurring with each gain in speed, she realizes that she hadn’t expected anything. Alex had been right. Kara hadn’t thought of anyone except herself. She’d been so caught up in the excitement, that her own desires had blinded her to the consequences of her actions. 

Kara crash-lands heavily into a deserted lot. Dirt flies everywhere and the sound of the impact is deafening, causing lights of nearby houses to flicker on in response. She rolls to a stop and lies breathless in the small crater she’s created. Kara’s hands reach up to cover her eyes as the sobs that have been trapped inside her finally come free. 

Within minutes, police sirens sound in the distance and grow louder, but Kara takes no heed. She can’t hold back the emotion or the pain. A few flashlights wave across the lot and quickly find the source of the disruption. Voices of concern get louder and still Kara doesn’t move. She can’t. 

“We’ve got a visual of the target…”

“Potential bomb threat on Milligan between Potts and Lakewood…”

“…calling for backup, over.”

A familiar voice, however, cuts through the rest, “Detective Sawyer, NCPD Science Division. A possible meteor sighting…”

Kara sits up slightly at the name, drawing attention from the police unit surrounding her.

“Movement from the target…”

“Woman, looks to be early twenties…”

“Detective, we urge you to stay back.”

“Oh my God, Kara??” 

Maggie steps into the crater, coming into Kara’s line of vision and kneels beside her, “What happened… why are you…” She takes in Kara’s appearance with raised eyebrows and concern: the shredded pajamas and knotted hair, red eyes and a dust-covered face lined with tears, “Oh, Little Danvers…”

Maggie turns to face the rest of the unit and begins ordering them to stand-down. The threat is no threat at all. Care of the Science Division. No backup needed. The flashlights bob back to their cars, followed by the mutterings about reports to be filed, and the neighbors retreat to their homes. And with that, just as quickly as it formed, the crowd dissipates.  
Kara is quickly pulled into Maggie’s arms and she returns the gesture without hesitation. After a few minutes and when Kara’s breathing has returned to normal, Maggie pulls back, taking Kara softly by the shoulders. 

“Is it ok if I call Alex?”

The question lingers and Kara looks away. 

Maggie gently places a hand on Kara's knee, “Kara? I’m going to call your sister.”

Still no response. 

“Alex needs you right now, Kara.”

Maggie sits back, settling herself into the dirt next to the defeated superhero, “She told me about your confrontation today.”

Kara starts picking at the pebbles next to her. 

“She told me how frustrated she was. How angry she was. That she said some things she shouldn’t have said.”

The pebbles turn to dust beneath the pressure of Kara’s fingers.

“I hurt you. I hurt all of you! And I didn’t even know it…” The words come out louder than Kara had expected. Flashbacks of red kryptonite play across her mind and the unknowing destruction she had caused then. Tear drops fall into the dust where the pebbles previously had been. 

Maggie stays silent, unsure of what to do or say. After a few moments, she stands and walks a distance away before pulling out her phone. Kara’s attention is still on the growing pile of dust, and though capable of eavesdropping on Maggie’s conversation, she tunes it out.

She knows that she should be calling people and letting them know she’s safe. She knows that she should be trying to mend things between her and Alex. She knows that she should be thanking everyone for their time and dedication in looking for her. 

But Kara also knows Lena Luthor left her 54 messages in 14 days and that thought speaks louder than all the others. 

Maggie drops the phone from her ear as she sees Kara stand and prepare to fly off. 

“Kara! KARA!!”

Her words fall on the empty lot, blown back by the force of Kara’s departure. 

“Maggie? Maggie, are you there? What happened?” Alex’s voice comes through the speaker, faint yet audible. 

Maggie brings the phone back to her ear, “She’s gone.”


	4. Chapter 4

She leaves the phone on the desk and walks out of the office. 

The rest of the building is dark and empty, the other employees having left hours earlier to go home. Lena Luthor is always the last to leave L-Corp. Always the first to arrive. It’s the mantra by which she leads. And today is no different. 

Except it is. 

Lena had spent the last few hours trying to justify staying late at the office. A few minutes more. She might call. A few minutes more. She might show up on the balcony.   
A few minutes more. Finish that deadline. A few minutes more. Organize tomorrow’s conference call. A few minutes more. Audit the quality reports. 

A few minutes more. 

The justifications ran out and the hours built upon incremental minutes were finally too much for Lena to endure. She hadn’t called. She hadn’t come. 

She wouldn’t call. 

She wouldn’t come.

++++

Kara skids to a stop on the balcony, stopping only when she hits the window panes with a dull thud, followed by a slight crack in the glass from her impact. She looks up, only to find that the office inside is dark and empty. 

Of course it is. 

Kara groans and fidgets with her tattered clothing, unsure of what to do next. She hadn’t planned this far ahead. 

The anger that had overcome her previously has faded and what is now left is exhaustion. She’s tired, both physically and emotionally, and discovering that Lena’s office lacks the one person she had hoped to find is the last straw. 

Kara sinks into one of the chairs on the balcony, her hands rubbing at her tired eyes. 

What to do. 

What to do. 

The question repeats in her mind and she stands, tries the door only to find it locked, and leans closer into the window, peering into the office. The desk is littered with paperwork, piled on all sides, post-its here, colored tabs there. It’s untidy and unorganized. Two words that definitely do not describe Lena Luthor. A blinking cell phone sits on top of the mess. 

Kara thinks of the messages. The one-sided conversations. 

She yearns for the energy needed to smash the window and get inside, as though that would bring her closer to Lena, though she physically isn’t there, but she can’t seem to find the strength. 

Everything hurts. 

Everything’s gone wrong. 

++++

Lena hears the thud just as the elevator doors close. Her heart races as she springs forward and quickly presses the button to open the door before the lift moves downward. She bites her lip in concentration as she nearly hammers the button into the panel. 

“Open, open, open.”

It works and the doors re-open to reveal the deserted waiting area and Jess’s desk, through which Lena walks quickly to reach her office. She pulls out her keys and drops her purse, fumbling to find the right one. Once she does, fingers shaking, she attempts to fit the key in the lock. As soon as it slides in, however, she stops. 

Lena steps back from the door, her head tilting back, hand coming to her chest.

A deep breath.

Had she really heard it? The weighted landing that always accompanies Supergirl’s visits? Or was it what she’d wanted to hear? A mere trick of the mind that would end in disappointment?

++++

The glass shatters under the pressure of Kara’s hands. She hadn’t realized that her version of ‘gently leaning’ was actually hundreds of times heavier than the average human. Plus the fact that she had already weakened the window with her ungraceful landing didn’t help much.

Kara jumps backwards as the shards rain down on the balcony floor and cover the plush carpet of Lena’s office. She panics and bends down in an attempt to clean up the mess.

“Shoot, shoot, shoot. Nooooo no, no, no,” Kara makes to sweep the glass with her hands but is quickly stopped by the opening of the office door.

++++

It was as if someone had thrown a rock through the window. 

Except there was no rock. 

Just a flustered Kara, kneeling in the middle of the mess, looking incredibly unkempt. Her clothes are shredded and revealing and Lena can make out quite a bit of skin beneath the remaining fabric. Kara’s hair is pulled into a rather loose ponytail, windswept and now covered in glass. She catches Lena’s eye as soon as she opens the door. 

Lena’s breathing quickens. 

She had forgotten what it was like: what it was like to be in the same room as Kara Danvers. There’s an energy about her. From the brilliant smile to eyes that radiate happiness no matter the occasion. 

And Lena is drawn to it. 

Drawn to it like she’s never felt before and she can’t get enough. She can’t get enough of Kara Danvers. So she had planned the galas. And the press releases. Scheduled the interviews and made personal visits her method of invitation. She had found every opportunity to be with her. The problem was that the more she was around her, the sadder she became. For as close as Lena liked to think they were, Kara was seemingly oblivious to the advances Lena was making. The shy looks from lowered lashes. The accidental touches. Personal favors and deep conversations. 

What would it take for Kara to realize? 

++++

“Fifty-four messages,” Kara breathes out as she stands. “You left 54 messages.”

Lena doesn’t move from the doorway or respond to Kara’s statement. Unsure of what to do, she begins rambling.

“I...I’m sorry…I’m sorry about…” Kara gestures to the glass, the balcony, the distance between them, the world around them. She doesn’t notice her feet bringing her closer to Lena.

“I’m sorry I disappeared and didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I never came to thank you after Medusa.” 

Kara, in her stocking feet, shuffles across the floor as she apologizes, “I’m sorry Alex dragged you into all of this. I’m sorry you had to spend two weeks working with Winn when he’s in stress-mode because that’s not fun at all, I know, this one time…”

“Kara.”

Lena hushes Kara with her fingertips that gently rest upon Kara’s lips. Kara eyes widen and Lena’s hand moves from her lips to graze along Kara’s cheek to below her jawline, pulling her ever so gently closer. Kara’s eyes flutter shut, her mouth parting slightly. 

But the kiss doesn’t come. 

++++

She’s beginning to ramble. And she rambles when she’s nervous. 

Lena watches as Kara, hands gesticulating her words, moves closer and closer. Her wool socks walk over the glass, and she tugs every now and then on the remains of her over-sized t-shirt. 

She’s sorry. 

And Lena knows this. Of course Kara is sorry. Kara is the world’s nicest person. She’s kind. She’s honest. She’s thoughtful. Apologizing is second-nature to her. But she did something that nearly destroyed everyone she knows. And here she is, clearly distraught, destroying her office, and covered in dirt and glass. And she’s sorry. 

All she has for Lena is an apology. And right now, an apology isn’t enough. 

But her skin is so soft, as Lena runs her fingers from Kara’s lips to her cheek, pulling her closer. And, despite the dirt and exhaustion, she’s stunning. Lena yearns to lean in and close the distance. She’s dreamt of doing so for months.

But she can’t. 

Not like this. 

Not right now.


	5. Chapter 5

Kara opens her eyes, confused. 

“What are you doing, Kara.”

It’s a statement. Kara leans back and Lena’s hand falls back to her side. She watches Kara, her eyes flickering back and forth between Kara’s own. 

She doesn’t understand. 

“I came to see you!” Her hands go up to adjust glasses that aren’t there, “I had to come see you.” Kara’s voice fades slightly with the second sentence and her shoulders rise and fall in exasperation. She stares defiantly at Lena, who stares right back. 

“Look at you, Kara. What is this?” Lena indicates the clothing and the broken window. She pauses, making sure to choose her words carefully. “You were gone. You were gone for three weeks and we all thought the worst.”

Kara noticeably starts but says nothing. 

“And you show up here looking like a train wreck. With no notice. No warning that everything is fine and you’re safe and then this?” Lena again gestures to the mess, “You break into my office? I don’t understand. Does Alex know you’re here? Does she know you’re ok?” Lena reaches out and takes Kara’s hands in her own.

Kara explodes, pulling her hands forcefully away, “Alex is not in charge of me! Why does everyone think that I’m a child?! She is not my mother! She is not responsible for me!” 

Lena takes a step back.

Kara’s chest heaves as she yells, reaching in for another breath, “Do you all think I did this on purpose?? That I left with the intentions of hurting you?! I made a mistake! I know! All I can do is say I’m sorry! It was a mistake!” 

The words transform, English forgotten and Kryptonian taking their place. It’s something very few people have ever witnessed, the only others being Alex and Eliza when Kara was 15. The language comes out halted at first. Kara hasn’t spoken it in years. But it soon flows freely, echoing throughout the office. It feels natural and familiar as her voice grows louder.

She turns towards the window, an animal-like noise escaping her lungs as the lasers penetrate the darkness beyond the broken glass. After a few moments, total exhaustion overcoming her, Kara collapses on the carpet. 

++++

Lena hadn’t meant to upset her. She hadn’t meant to reprimand her or treat her like a rogue teenager in need of counseling and strict curfews. She was genuinely concerned. She wanted to understand and to help. 

Kara falls to the floor and Lena moves forward instinctively to comfort her. She kneels beside her, sits cross-legged and pulls the defeated girl onto her lap. Slowly, Lena begins rubbing Kara’s back, her fingers moving gently over the patches of frayed fabric and warm skin. 

She doesn’t know how much time passes and at some point Kara falls asleep. Lena barely notices when the sun begins rising between the skyline outside the shattered window, the light reflecting on the scattered pieces to create a beautiful mosaic on the walls. She’s only aware of Kara’s soft breathing, her occasional shifts in position as she dreams. 

Lena watches as Kara’s chest rises and falls. She gently moves the stray hairs from her face and picks the stray pieces of glass and dirt from the golden locks. There’s still so much that needs to be said, Lena thinks. Her eyes follow the bridge of Kara’s nose to the scar next to her eyebrow. The crease that so often appears on her forehead when Kara gets upset or thinks to hard is softened in her sleeping state. It’s the peace that she’d needed this whole time. The peace that Lena still seeks. 

++++

The rhythmic motion of Lena’s fingers put Kara to sleep almost instantly. She had been expecting her to continue reprimanding her, but it never came. Instead, Kara willingly allowed the other woman to pull her close and comfort her. It was what Kara had needed the entire time, and Lena had finally provided it. 

She wakes to a brightening sunrise and cramped legs. Beneath her Lena shifts, with gentle pats on Kara’s back to denote the need to wake up. She stirs and leans forward, which allows Lena to stand and carefully make her way to her desk over the broken fragments of glass. Kara watches her from her place on the floor. Her slacks are wrinkled from the night spent with Kara in her lap and her blouse has come untucked. 

Lena tucks her hair behind her ear as she sends out a message from her phone then turns back to face Kara, who quickly ducks her head. 

Lena pockets the phone and returns to her spot next to Kara. The difference this time, however, is the distance she’s placed between them. Kara wants to crawl back in her lap, to feel the comforting circles being drawn on her skin, but from the look on her face, Lena has left the space on purpose. 

++++

Her text to Alex is short: Kara is with me, she’s ok.

Alex’s response is equally simple: I’ll be there in ten. 

When Lena turns back to where she’s left Kara, she discovers that she’d been watching her. Kara’s eyes quickly glance downward after being caught and Lena shakes her head in slight amusement. 

Ten minutes. Ten minutes to say what needs to be said.

She returns to sit next to Kara, determined to have the conversation that Kara had promptly shut down last night, this time leaving a considerable gap between them. Lena reaches out and absent-mindedly begins messing with the frayed ends of what’s left of Kara’s pajama bottoms. Beginning the conversation is always the hardest part. 

“Alex is coming to get you,” Lena says as she continues picking with the threads, looking up as the sentence ends. It was the first thing that came to mind. She learns promptly that it wasn’t the right thing as Kara’s demeanor turns cold. She doesn’t make eye contact with Lena, but instead watches the CEO’s hands pull apart her pajamas even further. 

“I want you to know that I’m not mad at you. And I understand that what you did was a mistake,” Lena pauses, her eyes focused on Kara’s face. She raises her eyebrows in anticipation of a response, but Kara stays silent. Waiting.

A deep breath.

“I left those messages because I…” Kara looks up at this and Lena softly rests her hand on Kara’s wrist, her fingers wrapping around with slight pressure, “…because I…”

++++

Kara waits for Lena to finish the sentence. Her eyes are insistent, staring deep into Kara’s. Neither of them looks away nor drops their gaze.

“…because I think…I think I love you.”

Kara’s heart nearly stops but she hears Lena’s own beat faster. 

She loves me. 

“I do, Kara. I love you. I mean, you. All of you. Supergirl. Kara Danvers…”

Kara leans forward, rising up from her knees, and kisses Lena, taking her face between her hands and drawing her closer. Lena allows herself to be pulled in, returning the kiss, her forehead coming to rest against Kara’s. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your reviews have been so wonderful!   
> Thank you thank you for your kind words.  
> I'm so glad you are enjoying the story :]
> 
> And happy endings don't come quite so easily.   
> Don't get too comfortable.


	6. Chapter 6

The kiss was unexpected. Highly desired, yet a complete surprise. And she can’t get enough. 

Kara’s response comes out as a whisper, “I love you too.” 

Quite suddenly, Lena panics. This isn’t the conversation she had been planning on having. It wasn’t supposed to go this direction, with confessions of love and gentle kisses. It was supposed to be about Kara abandoning them, that she had been dead for three weeks. About the lack of self-control and anger. Where she’d been this whole time. 

Not Lena’s feelings. Definitely not about Lena’s feelings.

Kara can’t love her. Kara doesn’t even know her, hell, she doesn’t even know Kara! What are they doing? They’re high off of adrenaline and fantasy. 

Lena pushes against the carpet to scoot herself a few inches away from Kara. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you, it’s just…”

Lena stops Kara, “I made a mistake.”

Kara’s face, which had seconds earlier been full of joy and hope turns to confusion, “…a mistake?”

“I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have said that,” Lena stands up and Kara follows suit. 

“I don’t understand…you said you loved me…it’s a mistake?” Kara is genuinely hurt. Lena can feel the disappointment radiating off of her. 

Lena squeezes her eyes shut, trying to grasp her fleeting thoughts, “This wasn’t supposed to be about me, Kara, or how I feel. This is supposed to be about how…how you reacted to everything. What’s going on with you, not me...I’m still recovering from the fact that you’re alive…It’s too much. This isn’t real, Kara! I don’t even know where you’ve been the past three weeks!” Lena’s words begin to sound desperate, her eyes grow wider.

“So…this isn’t real?” Kara’s voice is soft. She bites her lip and nods slowly in forced understanding. 

Lena backtracks quickly, “No! No. This is real! I care about you Kara! I just…The anticipation…I was caught up in the moment. I thought I’d never see you again…and then you were here! I…”

Kara laughs at this, but it’s dark, “I get it. I get it, Lena, and you’re right. This isn’t real. I showed up, completely vulnerable, and took advantage of the situation.”  
She moves towards the window. 

“Kara, let me explain, please,” Lena grabs onto Kara’s arm before she can get any further away but Kara shakes her off, probably too hard, because Lena stumbles at the force. 

“It’s too soon, Kara! This is still real,” Lena explains to Kara’s back. “This is real, ok? I’m sorry I said it wasn’t. How I feel…it’s still here,” she again takes hold of Kara’s arm but this time Kara lets her stay. “I just need time.” 

Lena turns Kara to face her, “I know it’s only been a few days for you, Kara. But it’s been three weeks for us and the majority of that time we thought…we thought you were…” Lena can’t bring herself to say the words. Kara swallows hard. “I had just found out you were alive before you showed up and...I acted out of emotion when I shouldn’t have because…I was afraid of losing you…again.”

Lena pauses and takes Kara gently by the waist to pull them closer, her hands then moving to take Kara’s face in her hands, thumbs wiping wet cheeks, “So I just need some time. Can you allow me that?”

Kara nods, “Yes. Time. I can do that.” She smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

++++

She needs time. 

Kara listens to Lena’s reasoning, nodding at the right parts, agreeing when the silences become too long to account for mere catches in a breath before continuation. 

The past 12 hours have been almost too much for Kara to handle. The adrenaline from fighting alternate universe aliens, the reprimand from Alex, and the emotional rollercoaster with Lena. The fitful sleep on Lena’s lap has left her sore and stiff and she’s embarrassed by her forwardness being rejected. It’s all Kara can do to return the hug without imploding. Her cheeks burn and her eyes threaten tears for the umpteenth time. 

Lena’s phone rings and Kara breaths a sigh of gratitude for the interruption. She steps back from Lena, quickly wiping her eyes and nose. With one hand on resting on her hip, she feigns interest in one of the paintings on the wall as Lena talks quietly to whomever is on the other end. 

Kara doesn’t even try to listen in on the conversation. She’s still too tired from recent events and eavesdropping has never been her favorite thing to do. So she’s surprised when Lena ends the call and casually explains how Alex is downstairs with a car and that Kara can go if she wants or she can stay, that it’s up to her. 

She’s still in a daze and finds herself saying, “Ok, no. I’ll go. I need Alex. And you…you need time.”

++++

Lena doesn’t know why she expected Kara to respond any differently. She had just gotten through this long explanation on why they couldn’t be together and then here she was, hoping Kara would choose to stay. 

Of course she chooses to go. 

The unexplainable sisterly bond. 

Lena doesn’t know what had happened when Kara had returned home. She still doesn’t know where Kara was, what she had been doing, that whole time she was missing. Obviously it had been a tense reunion. She thinks back to Alex’s call, letting her know that Kara was safe. She had been short and terse. Quite the opposite reaction Lena would have expected after finding out your sister was alive after three weeks of thinking she was dead. 

Then there was the state in which Lena had found Kara: half-naked, covered in dirt, and threatening tears at any moment. 

“Kara!” Lena stops her before she can leave the office. 

Kara, confused, pauses in her exit. 

“Are you alright?”

++++

The question is sincere and it’s a question she hasn’t yet had the chance to answer. 

No, she’s not alright.  
She’s embarrassed.  
She’s tired.  
She’s been rejected.  
She’s ruined her favorite pajamas.  
She’s fighting with Alex.

Kara nods, adjusts invisible glasses then tries to play it off by twirling a stray hair near her ear, “Yeah! Of course. I’m…fine! I’m fine,” She glances down at her clothing. “I’m going to go change. And talk to Alex.  
And,” she finger guns one hand towards Lena with a tight-lipped smile, “you need time.”

++++

Lena is getting frustrated. 

Kara is taking the time thing like a personal insult. Which it isn’t. It’s completely logical, if you ask Lena, to need a few days to recover. It’s as though Kara isn’t fully comprehending what had just happened. But by the state of her, she does. It rendered her out of control, speaking Kryptonian in a fit of rage. 

Instead of dragging on the awkward conversation, Lena simply accepts Kara’s answer, “I’ll call you, then?” 

Lena is hesitant about the request. She isn’t sure how Kara will take it, because by the way she’s currently acting, Kara wants nothing more than to be out of this office. 

++++

Kara softens at the question. More of a statement, really.  
Disguised as a question.

Despite the distance Lena has put between them, she's still there, wanting to be with Kara, wanting to make it work. And Kara now realizes she took the request completely wrong.  
Time didn't mean no.  
Time meant yes.

Lena looks hopeful and Kara responds with the only thing she can think of, her smile making it's way to her eyes, “And this time I’ll answer.”


	7. Chapter 7

Kara can’t remember the last time she was in a car. 

But here she sits, in the passenger seat of Alex’s Subaru, seatbelt buckled, and fingers drumming on the window sill. The pair has been silent for the majority of the ride, if you don’t count Kara’s quick, “Hey,” when she got into the car. Every now and then Alex will steal a quick glance over at Kara, who hasn’t shifted her gaze from the passing scenery. 

She wants to tell Alex all about her time with Barry. She wants to show her the device Cisco gave her that would allow her to travel back and forth between the Earths as often as she wanted. She wants to tell her everything. About the team-ups and the technology (which Alex would LOVE). But Kara is still wary. She knows that her actions last night didn’t help her cause any, what with getting calls from both Maggie and Lena about her off-kilter condition. 

She also realizes she needs to talk to Alex about that: the way she lost control, her words morphing into her mother tongue, kissing Lena. The problem is working up the courage to do so. Their argument from last night is still fresh on both of their minds and this is the source of the present lack of communication between them. So the silence continues.

The trees pass slowly and other cars weave their way past their own. Alex is known for being a slow driver, incredibly cautious and lacking any sort of assertiveness. This has always surprised Kara, given Alex’s day job as an alien-hunting secret agent. Her high adrenaline occupation, however, doesn’t translate over into her driving skills, which leaves them crawling towards midtown in the growing morning traffic. 

Kara considers just opening the door and flying the rest of the way home, but 1. Alex would kill her 2. The risk of being seen by neighboring cars 3. She still hasn’t regained her energy. An elderly woman drives quickly past, taking a quick glance at the Subaru as she does so. Kara longs for the rushing wind and blurred colors that come from the high speeds she’s normally used to. Instead, she groans inwardly at the snail-like pace and brings her chin to rest on her hand, her elbow upon the door rest. 

Alex puts on the blinker, but is too slow to get over in time for their exit, which results in taking the back-way to Kara’s apartment. It’s an extra ten minutes. Even longer with the rush-hour traffic piling up all around them.

Kara can’t stand it any longer, turning quickly to face Alex, “Can’t you go any faster?”

The question sits between them and Alex looks over at Kara, whose face is distraught and frustrated, eyebrows furrowed in concern. The hilarity of the situation, for Alex, comes to a climax; Kara’s current inability to fly, the terrible state of her clothes, the completely unnecessary seatbelt, the helplessness in Kara’s eyes, begging her to drive faster.

Alex bursts out in laughter and pretty soon she can’t breathe, tears rolling down her cheeks as she struggles to control herself. 

“Alex!! The car!” Kara reaches over to steady the wheel as Alex pulls over to the curb. She’s gasping for air.

“Can I…”she can barely get the words out, “…drive…any…” she rests her hand on Kara’s thigh, her head falling back as another burst of laughter escapes, “…any faster!”

“Alex, it’s not funny! Can we just go home?!” Kara struggles to be serious but she’s always been a sympathetic giggler. Anything that sets off Alex is sure to rope in Kara, a trait the Eliza had had a hard time with.

Alex goes off again in a giggle fit when she sees Kara attempting to hold herself together in a useless attempt at stoicism. She holds her stomach with one hand, the other wiping her eyes, “Oh my God, Kara…Kara, Kara, Kara.” 

Kara finally breaks, unable to hold it in any longer, and a new wave of laughter overtakes the sisters.

The morning traffic weaves their way around the car, a few horns signaling their annoyance and giving crude gestures through closed windows, but the Danvers sisters pay no mind. The laughter is contagious and it’s not going anywhere soon.

++++

“YOU KISSED HER?!” the spoon of ice cream that had been about to make its way into Alex’s mouth pauses mid-air, her jaw falling open. 

Kara blushes, fiddling with her own bowl of ice cream. 

“Let me get this straight: Lena tells you that she loves you, and then you kissed her.” Alex restates the sentence, setting aside the ice cream and adjusting herself on the couch so that she’s facing Kara. 

Kara nods, “And then I told her I loved her back.”

Alex’s eyebrows raise quickly at this development. She runs her hand through her hair before responding, “You said it back?”

“I shouldn’t have done it!” Kara throws her hands up and gives up on the ice cream, putting it on the coffee table. “She rejected me, she said it wasn’t real, that she shouldn’t have said it…”

“Whoaaa, whoa whoa,” Alex stops Kara, who turns herself towards Alex. “Kara, did you really…did you talk to Lena? About the past few weeks?”

Kara thinks back, going over the conversations in Lena’s office. It hadn’t really been a conversation, more so Kara getting upset. Kara yelling. Kara giving excuses. Kara. Kara. Kara. 

She shakes her head, sighing deeply while realizing her mistake, “No. No…I didn’t…I wasn’t…” Kara trails off. 

Alex picks up on Kara’s silence, “Lena worked harder than anyone during our search for you. She never left the DEO. She would re-run tests 20, 30, 40 times. Even when she knew it was pointless, because I demanded that she do it. Everyone else tried to convince me it was over, but she kept trying. For me. But mostly for you, Kara,” Alex takes Kara’s hands, who is listening to intently, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“She never asked questions. She knows nothing about your past or details of your Supergirl life, but she still gave us all of her technology, still kept helping us. She agreed to come, even though I know, “Alex emphasizes the word, “I know she doesn’t like me.” Alex pauses. “She did it because she likes you, Kara. She loves you. She said so! And despite what happened last night, I think she still means it.”

Kara looks down, “But she told me she needs time.” Her eyes come back up, “And I understand but…”

“Kara you were gone! She had barely accepted that fact and come to terms with it!” Alex leans back, “I sent her home yesterday and told her it was over!”

Kara closes her eyes tightly, “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not, hey, you’re not,” Alex fixes a strand of Kara’s hair. “But you need to be understanding of the fact that she had to grieve your loss. We all did.”

Kara can’t look at Alex as she says this.

“So let her have the time to process this, ok?” Alex ducks her head to make eye contact with Kara. “Ok?”

Kara nods and lets herself be swallowed up in the hug that follows. She wants to put all her strength into the embrace but settles for one that’s firmer than usual. 

Alex doesn’t mind, and if she does, she doesn’t say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exams are coming up, so apologies in advance for lack in updates the next couple of weeks.   
> But then I'll be home in the states and have tons more time for non-academic writing.   
> As always, thanks for reading!


End file.
